Rolling Thoughts

Weekend

It's been a great weekend. I'm up in Ann Arbor with Allison and Ben and having a wonderful time.

This is the first time I've met Ben ... and since they've been dating for 6 years that's saying something! Good thing we get along after all this time :-)

So I'm filling in as the resident gf for Allison. I helped with the flowers, dress (actually I just approved her choices), tried out the restaurant, saw the chapel ... I'm feeling down-right matronly right now.

We also explored downtown a lot. Ann Arbor is a nice college town. I could easily live here.

I've also come to a decision. Tomorrow I'm giving Michael 30 days notice. The extra money for December would be nice, but I want him out of my personal space.

We also went shopping to some great little stores. I found this table that I'm going to buy:

It's just under $4000 and I'm really thinking of getting it. Just imagine the chairs with plain wood, not cloth. I hate upohlstry.

Tomorrow I drive back to Germantown. It's been very relaxing this weekend. Getting 10+ hours of sleep a night. I don't want to go back. But going to Alameda will be nice. Seeing Kat, Ellen, Nikki ... yeah, won't be too bad :-)

Friend & Coworkers :-)

I was having dinner with a friend last night who was relating a story to me. I just have to share. I was mightily ammused ... and considered what she said a compliment as well.

This friend was in an interview with my boss some time ago and he and the other guy interviewing put her on the spot with a question about me. Now I've known this friend for about 8 years and we're close. Really close. We tell each other anything. So now my boss is asking her a question about me and she tells them that she's really not comfortable answering it because of our friendship and not being the scope of the interview (or something politically boring like that).
So they ask about my work instead. She answers "Lance is really good at what he does and will work really hard to get the job done no matter what. But he won't work for someone he doesn't respect and if you screw him, watch out because he'll screw you back."

Which is true. I just never thought about it in those terms before. Now my current boss pretty much knows this. That's how I started working for him in the first place. My last boss screwed me. But I think the other guy in the interview was a little shocked at her statement. But he helped screw me over in the past as well, just not directly. He's got another chance. ;-)

Eclipse

Tonight is the last full eclipse until 2007.

I took the opportunity to grab my camera, tripod, and a roll of sreaming hot B&W film to go take some shots tonight.

The night was perfect. Clear skies with some light clouds ... but it got overcast RIGHT after the full eclipse happened. I got about 24 shots in at various settings. The later ones at 10-30 second exposures. We'll see how they turn out.

Sad day :-(

Here's to Sasha.

Kat, may her years with you have been filled with love and happiness.

sweet day

I went glassblowing today. It was a 1-on-1 class with Todd for 2 hours. My friend Tonia came with me. She's interested in learning the craft as well.

By the time I finished my first piece (90 minutes), I was so wrung out that I said "Uncle" and asked Todd if he would mind teaching Tonia to make a Caterpillar. That's the first thing you make and it's a basic skills thing using the iron and jacks. She did great. So good that Todd let us stay late and had her make a flower too.

I think she had a good time. She was smiling a lot :-)

Sat night ...

Razor edge.
Life's red blood.
Dripping wet.
Numbness encrouching.
Darkness dawning.

Awww shucks

So I was talking to our global production manager today describing my strategy for fixing a problem in one of the labs. It involves finding an alternate to the current technique and negotiations with the original equipment manufacturor to get what we need done. I became aware of the problem last friday.

Well, today I finished the first part. I took that info to the GPM and explained what I planned to do next.

She made my day ... week .. er, month really ... by saying "Lance, it's amazing how fast you take care of things. It's really good that you're here."

I've had a really shitty month and she really helped turn it in a positive direction with that comment. Thank you.

Man trying to kill mouse shoots girlfriend

I think this one falls under that catagory of "DUH!"

The Associated Press
Posted October 21 2004

CONFLUENCE, Pa. -- A man missed a mouse he was trying to shoot with a small-caliber handgun and wounded his girlfriend instead, state police said.

Donald Rugg, 43, of Confluence, was trying to kill the rodent with a .22-caliber handgun when his girlfriend, Cathy Jo Harris, 38, apparently went into the line of fire and was hit in the arm early Tuesday morning, state police said.

She was taken to Somerset Hospital where she was listed in fair condition Tuesday, said hospital spokesman Greg Chiappelli.

Neither Rugg nor Harris could immediately be reached for comment.

State police said they won't charge Rugg, but advised against people shooting firearms inside.

CONGRATS!!

Well, it looks like I'll be an honorary uncle sometime next spring :-)

Congrats you two!!

Did I really just do that?

So this morning while I'm finishing my morning coffee, I'm browsing around a bit and find the website of H.R. Giger and see a link to "Purchase Furniture"

Huh?

I guess that I knew he made furniture becuase there is a Giger bar in Chur Switzerland that I know of that is decorated in the biomechanical style of the aliens type.

So I'm looking around and find this:

So I send the pic to my friend Tonia and say that I'd love to have it for my kitchen, but no way could I ever afford it. She wrote back and said "Why not?"

Good question. So I send an e-mail off the Giger's agent and ask if it is for sale. This is the response I got:
"GONE FISHING. TRY AGAIN AFTER SEPTEMBER 27.
IF IT'S AN EMERGENCY, TRY THE PHONE.
EMERGENCIES IN THE ART BUSINESS? I DON'T THINK SO.
LES BARANY"

Priceless.

Housemate

So I had a LONG heart to heart with the roomie today. But first, let me say that after Friday's post I decided that I wasn't going to evict him after all. Childish and petty and that's not the person I am. So anyway he's now denying that he told me last Saturday that he was dating Alison. WTF? Sorry, I don't think that was an unclear statement. But that doesn't matter because now he is. So a difference of 3-4 days apparently means a lot to him, but still hurts the fuck out of me. Oh, and by the way I have independant confirmation from someone I do trust. The man is an absolute sleeze. I knew that before from his relationships that I saw, but this is something else entirely. When he told me on Saturday his posture, manerisms, and demeaner all screamed 'guilt' that with what he said was enough for me.

During our chat he mentions that Alison told him the she and I never dated. Well, I've got 3 weeks of her blog entries that contradict that. Never mind that he never asked me ... even though when the 3 of us were together he ALWAYS gave Alison and I space at the end of the night to say goodbye. Bastard. However the thing he said that hurt the most is that he doesn't consider me a friend and last weekend when he dropped the bomb and I said our friendship was strong enough to get through this he was confused. Well, he didn't say so at the time and waited a week instead.

So here's to the roomie that acts like a schmuck and my 'friend' who fucked me over. "What goes around, comes around."

New Blog

Due to an extremely unfortunate violation of personal trust, I had to destroy my original blog. So this is my new one.

Friends & Blogging

I was out last night with a friend enjoying a really good dinner when I got a call from my housemate. He was pretty fired up about something and said we had to talk. I said sure, but I'm out right now and what's up? It seems that something I wrote in my blog has upset him ... but get this. He hasn't actually read it himself. Someone told him about it. I don't mind that, it's an open journal. But he didn't even seem interested in knowing what I actually wrote. When I told him that my journal is meant as a place for me to write & express my thoughts, not talk to other people he didn't seem to get it. And I don't really understand why he called me then. It didn't help the situation as we weren't going to discuss it on the phone and I wasn't going to ruin my evening by running home just because he wanted to talk.

So the entry I think someone told him about that it the issue is the one from Friday night where I said all of my long-time friends told me to evict him. It's either that or some of my poetry .... but anyway. I was thinking about it, but by the end of Friday night I decided not to. It would be childish and petty. And not something I would do as a person. So I dropped the thread.

Now I'm still extremely pissed at him. But there is nothing to discuss. The action was in the past and it will not change. Nor is there anything he can do right now to repair the damage to our friendship. I honestly don't care at the moment; as long as our professional working relationship is stable and productive that is. If he's going to make a mess for me at work, then there an issue to be dealt with. But it won't be from my side.

Now blogging. This is a self-expression media. It is for MY benefit. There are a few special individuals in my life that I have shared this link with. I can't control who they give the link to, but the people I share it with should understand that this is a snapshot of what I'm thinking of at that particular moment. Even this post might need re-visited after today for example.

I write my poetry to express feelings. Lately it has been very grim and dark. Which suits my psyche perfectly at the moment. That will change and writing down my feelings is an integral and neccessary part of that process.

Finally, if you don't like what I write here DONT READ IT! Excercise a little self-control and don't click on that link.

UCD Homecoming Part III

19-22 :-(

UCD Homecoming ... part II

3 TD's in a row. UCD 19-14 in 3rd quarter :-)

UC DAVIS Homecoming

I miss Davis. It's homecoming today and I'm listening to the game on KDVS.org

I really miss marching & playing at the games. I was planning on going back this year for the first game in about 3 years. But work issues have prevented me from taking much of any time off.

That Ags got into trouble in the first quarter and were down 14-0. This hasen't happened all season and was mainly the result of a couple of abbysmal plays on the Aggies part. But they recovered by the end of the 1st with a lightning blitz and got a TD. At the moment the Ags are marching down the field with a series of short passes. 30 yards to go and the score will tie :-)

I'll keep posting ....

It's unanimus

All my friends say that my housemate is being an ass and that I should evict him.

Even my one male friend who I would have thought would side with the guy is right there saying kick him out.

Well ... don't know.

But right now ... yeah. I'm thinking hes (yes, I changed the word) gone. 30 days .....

Why not ..

Lying fuck.
Get what you deserve.
9mm JHP is too good for you.
Eval: Waste of ammo.

Poem

I wrote another poem last night, but I'm not going to post it.
It's grim and dark even by my standards.

Awesome Boss

So I tell my boss about the 10% thing on the condo to reserve it and he is going to call the owner (personal friend of boss) and get him to drop that to 5%

This guy really is great. :-)

Whoa ...

This is an e-mail from a reporter (Wall Street Journal) in Baghdad to her personal friends. It was posted to the internet without her knowledge.
All I have to say is wow. Why can't the usual reporting be so blunt and honest?

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 29, 2004
WSJ reporter Fassihi's e-mail to friends

9/29/2004 2:58:10 PM

From: [Wall Street Journal reporter] Farnaz Fassihi
Subject: From Baghdad

Being a foreign correspondent in Baghdad these days is like being under
virtual house arrest. Forget about the reasons that lured me to this job: a chance to see the world, explore the exotic, meet new people in far away lands, discover their ways and tell stories that could make a difference.

Little by little, day-by-day, being based in Iraq has defied all those reasons. I am house bound. I leave when I have a very good reason to and a scheduled interview. I avoid going to people's homes and never walk in the streets. I can't go grocery shopping any more, can't eat in restaurants, can't strike a conversation with strangers, can't look for stories, can't drive in any thing but a full armored car, can't go to scenes of breaking news stories, can't be stuck in traffic, can't speak English outside, can't take a road trip, can't say I'm an American, can't linger at checkpoints, can't be curious about what people are saying, doing, feeling. And can't and can't. There has been one too many close calls, including a car bomb so near our house that it blew out all the windows. So now my most pressing concern every day is not to write a kick-ass story but to stay alive and make sure our Iraqi employees stay alive. In Baghdad I am a security personnel first, a reporter second.

It's hard to pinpoint when the 'turning point' exactly began. Was it April
when the Fallujah fell out of the grasp of the Americans? Was it when Moqtada and Jish Mahdi declared war on the U.S. military? Was it when
Sadr City, home to ten percent of Iraq's population, became a nightly battlefield for the Americans? Or was it when the insurgency began
spreading from isolated pockets in the Sunni triangle to include most of Iraq? Despite President Bush's rosy assessments, Iraq remains a disaster. If under Saddam it was a 'potential' threat, under the Americans it has been transformed to 'imminent and active threat,' a
foreign policy failure bound to haunt the United States for decades to come.

Iraqis like to call this mess 'the situation.' When asked 'how are thing?' they reply: 'the situation is very bad."

What they mean by situation is this: the Iraqi government doesn't control most Iraqi cities, there are several car bombs going off each day around the country killing and injuring scores of innocent people, the
country's roads are becoming impassable and littered by hundreds of
landmines and explosive devices aimed to kill American soldiers, there are assassinations, kidnappings and beheadings. The situation, basically, means a raging barbaric guerilla war. In four days, 110 people died and over 300 got injured in Baghdad alone. The numbers are so shocking that the ministry of health -- which was attempting an exercise of public transparency by releasing the numbers -- has now stopped disclosing them.

Insurgents now attack Americans 87 times a day.

A friend drove thru the Shiite slum of Sadr City yesterday. He said young men were openly placing improvised explosive devices into the ground. They melt a shallow hole into the asphalt, dig the explosive, cover it with dirt and put an old tire or plastic can over it to signal to the locals this is booby-trapped. He said on the main roads of Sadr City, there
were a dozen landmines per every ten yards. His car snaked and swirled to avoid driving over them. Behind the walls sits an angry Iraqi ready to detonate them as soon as an American convoy gets near. This is in Shiite land, the population that was supposed to love America for liberating Iraq.

For journalists the significant turning point came with the wave of abduction and kidnappings. Only two weeks ago we felt safe around Baghdad because foreigners were being abducted on the roads and highways between towns. Then came a frantic phone call from a journalist female friend at 11 p.m. telling me two Italian women had been abducted from their homes in broad daylight. Then the two Americans, who got beheaded this week and the Brit, were abducted from their homes in a residential neighborhood. They were supplying the entire block with round the clock electricity from their generator to win friends. The abductors grabbed one of them at 6 a.m. when he came out to switch on the generator; his beheaded body was thrown back near the neighborhoods.

The insurgency, we are told, is rampant with no signs of calming down. If any thing, it is growing stronger, organized and more sophisticated every day. The various elements within it-baathists, criminals, nationalists and Al Qaeda-are cooperating and coordinating.

I went to an emergency meeting for foreign correspondents with the military and embassy to discuss the kidnappings. We were somberly told our fate would largely depend on where we were in the kidnapping chain once it was determined we were missing. Here is how it goes: criminal gangs grab you and sell you up to Baathists in Fallujah, who will in turn sell you to Al Qaeda. In turn, cash and weapons flow the other way from Al Qaeda to the Baathisst to the criminals. My friend Georges, the French journalist snatched on the road to Najaf, has been missing for a month with no word on release or whether he is still alive.

America's last hope for a quick exit? The Iraqi police and National Guard
units we are spending billions of dollars to train. The cops are being
murdered by the dozens every day-over 700 to date -- and the insurgents are infiltrating their ranks. The problem is so serious that the U.S. military has allocated $6 million dollars to buy out 30,000 cops they just trained to get rid of them quietly.

As for reconstruction: firstly it's so unsafe for foreigners to operate that
almost all projects have come to a halt. After two years, of the $18
billion Congress appropriated for Iraq reconstruction only about $1 billion or so has been spent and a chuck has now been reallocated for improving security, a sign of just how bad things are going here.

Oil dreams? Insurgents disrupt oil flow routinely as a result of sabotage
and oil prices have hit record high of $49 a barrel. Who did this war exactly benefit? Was it worth it? Are we safer because Saddam is holed up and Al Qaeda is running around in Iraq?

Iraqis say that thanks to America they got freedom in exchange for
insecurity. Guess what? They say they'd take security over freedom any day, even if it means having a dictator ruler.

I heard an educated Iraqi say today that if Saddam Hussein were allowed to run for elections he would get the majority of the vote. This is truly sad.

Then I went to see an Iraqi scholar this week to talk to him about
elections here. He has been trying to educate the public on the importance of voting. He said, "President Bush wanted to turn Iraq into a democracy that would be an example for the Middle East. Forget about democracy, forget about being a model for the region, we have to salvage Iraq before all is lost."

One could argue that Iraq is already lost beyond salvation. For those of us on the ground it's hard to imagine what if any thing could salvage it from its violent downward spiral. The genie of terrorism, chaos and mayhem has been unleashed onto this country as a result of American mistakes and it can't be put back into a bottle.

The Iraqi government is talking about having elections in three months
while half of the country remains a 'no go zone'-out of the hands of the
government and the Americans and out of reach of journalists. In the other half, the disenchanted population is too terrified to show up at polling stations. The Sunnis have already said they'd boycott elections, leaving the stage open for polarized government of Kurds and Shiites that will not be deemed as legitimate and will most certainly lead to civil war.

I asked a 28-year-old engineer if he and his family would participate in
the Iraqi elections since it was the first time Iraqis could to some degree
elect a leadership. His response summed it all: "Go and vote and risk being blown into pieces or followed by the insurgents and murdered for cooperating with the Americans? For what? To practice democracy? Are you joking?"

-Farnaz

condo & other stuff

I spoke with the folks down south today and while it turns out that the previous occupant still has stuff in the condo I'm the primary guy to buy it. They've even gone so far as to not show it anymore. They do want a $34K "earnest" check though. Ouch. I can do it ... but it's not going to be fun. Means about $300 a month in interest payments on a line of credit extention. Frig. But I think if I do it right I'll be able to get some interest back that'll help compensate. Well, we'll see.

I also talked to my boss today. Asked him to hold my guns for me for a while. It's a sign of how much we trust each other that the only thing he asked was whether he could fire them :-) Damn good guy. good friend.

Still going to be writing poetry for a while. But I'm doing better.

hehe

It's a good sign when even a parking ticket doesn't douse your mood :-)

LOL!!!

Thank you

Kat, Pete, Nikki, Patrick, Rebecca, Cynthia, Tonia ...

Good to have you in my life.

click-clack

Actions safed,
Cables locked.
Weapons safed.
Condemned ... spared.
Nightmares ... live.

Live ammo ... yeah.

Kat!

Hi Kat :-)

PATHS OF GLORY

This is an awesome movie of Stanley Kubrick's. Without ruining the ending for anyone who is reading that that might show up at movie night, let me just say that it is an incredible telling of how injustice lives and the waste of war and leave it at that.

Rebecca's poem

Paper sorting,
Triage of life.
Pattern Recognition,
people like washi paper,
not quite.

Intuition

Sometimes you get twinges of intuition about things. Little bits of disconnected information that subconciously light up a path like a neon sign.

I don't know what it was that twigged me these last few days. Maybe just reading "Altered Carbon" again and empathizing with Kovacks. (shrug) doesn't really matter. In any case it turned out that I was right.

Fuck you both :-)

Mysteries

... is the name of the bar. I'd forgotten what it was like to hang out in a smokers bar. Ugh. But it was fun, the beer good, and the company better than I'd hoped. So much so that we ended up closing the bar and still chatted for an hour outside.

Paper cranes,
Karaoke croones.
Guinness, Lemmon drops, buttery nipples.
Hi.
Special nights.
New friends.

I don't think this is going anywhere long term, but it could be nice for a while. Her smoking is a definite issue, but as long as she doesn't smoke in my house I"m cool with it I guess.

Tonight Mitzi & Dan are supposed to come over for dinner. It'll be nice to see them again. Cool folk. And I have their reprints ready.

Ugh. Coffee with 2 shots isn't helping. I've still got melatonin running through my system. Making me groggy. But I slept well.

ok ... time to get caught up on my work.

Redneck cowboy bars :-)

Just got back from a bar in Mount Airy. Was ok. But a smokers bar. Yuck. Don't feel like taking a shower right now so I'm gonna have to do my bedsheets tomorrow. :-( Oh well, was fun. More tomorrow. :-)

More movies :-)

My Stanley Kubrick movie collection arrived from Amazon today. Sweet! 8 in a boxed set and 4 freestanding. I might get time this weekend to watch a few, but with plans to go out with Cynthia on Saturday I'm doubting that I'll have much time.

Well, we'll see how it goes. But I just have to watch "Paths of Glory" this weekend.

An entry for Maria

Youthful dreams,
Children growing up.
Life goes on.
New sprouts overshadowing.
Natural Progression.

Learned something new

I learned a valuable lesson from one of my bosses yesterday. She refused to fire one of her managers becuase the people accusing her of problems had never stepped up and said anything.

It was a very refreshing incident in terms of personal responsibility. And something I'll always remember. It would have been much easier to just say "No, it's not working. Time for you to go." But instead its been made clear to the staff that everyone has to take responsibility for themselves, the company won't do it for them.

Very nice :-)

H&K

Well, put my first 100 rounds through it. Nice.
It's going to take some time to get used to the flash/bang of it. But it's a much cleaner firing piece than my .22. I took it apart after shooting and there was minimal fouling in the barrel and none in the breach. I cleaned it anyway :-)

On the accuracy side. I did 50 rounds of semi-accurate fire and got all 50 within 6 inches of my aim point at 20 feet. For the other 50 I did rapid fire. Got 45 in the sillouette. Needs a lot of improvement, but I'm pretty happy with the first days results.

The TSA is HOW old?

Well, well, well ...

I think she's into me. Now having said that I also HATE that friggin line. Everytime I hear someone mouth "He/She is just not into you that much" I want to scream. It's a fucking copout, catchall phrase that allow people to avoid the real issues and feel good about themselves.

So anyway, rant over. :-)

We're in that whole getting to know each other phase and it's going well. She knows I'm moving to 'Bama and that an LTR isn't really in the cards. But is still interested, so we'll see. We've got tentative plans to get together tomorrow night for drinks. No hurry ....

I also went to Bethesda last night to relax and unwind. There's this Irish pub that is really nice called Ri Ra. They know how to pour Guinness!! I wish it wasn't so much of a drive, but 20 minutes really isn't that bad for a cool place to hang out. I think I made 30 cranes last night and got through 20 pages of my book. But it was really a nice way to wind down from the day. I think I'm gonna start hanging out there more often. Oh, and a side note. The poetry I posted was from when I was there Saturday night and I was glad I had some paper handy to write with. I've got interesting ways of processing stuff :-)

Tonight I don't have any plans. So I think it's time to go try out my new H&K. I learned how to dissasemble it last night. Learned the 'trick' by accident and had pieces of gun all over my bed. Whooops. But they went back together logically and I had a working piece (I hope) again. The receiver is very interesting. It floats "back" when the slide action works to accept a fresh cartridge and then rotates forward to lock into place in battery mode. It makes it much easier for the rounds to feed correctly. Well, we'll see how I do with it tonight.

hmmm ... new flame?

Well, we'll see :-)

Oh too funny!!

Cat Emoticons :-)

Taste of life.

Hells faire,
Souls for barter,
Given willingly,
Taken cheaply.
Who would know the dark host was capitalistic?

Rosy views,
Easily turned Rage-Red,
Sound will do it,
Phrased a particular way.
Thorns drip blood,
Visage shows pain.
Roses wilt, unpicked

Caliber Dreams,
Despondent thoughts,
Cool resin resting in hands,
Receiver sighs making whole.
Hammer coiled, waiting to strike.
Oily taste, acrid feel.
Second thoughts.
Click. Action safed.
Another night, peace achieved.

Lives are cheap, grist of real-politick.
Fuck that.
Every sperm is sacred.
Fight the war needing it, not the one wanting attention.
Blood runs and drips from the flag.

A thousand cranes, wish of peace.
Paper burns, flesh rots.
Cranes mourn the days after Prometheus,
Wishing the fire would die,
The phoenix unrealized.

Simple pleasures,
Clovers in foam.
Butter on bread.
Soft wailings from above.

Welcome Dervish!

Well last night was the innagural use of Dervish, my new-ish Kitchen Aid mixer. :-)

Rebecca and Tony (later Michael) came over for Dinner and movie nights and we used Dervish to make the guacamole. As usual Tony did a bang up job. Dinner went well with people eating their burritos and making happy sounds.

It was Jean Reno theme night with the picks being "Wasabi" "Leon: The Professional" & "Le Denier Combat" Tony and Michael picked Wasabi which is the one I was secretly hoping they'd pick.

It's a mildly ammusing movie but not really up to the standards of other Jean Reno performances. But still good.

Post movie during a Fag break Michael and Tony did their best to annoy every dog in the neighborhood by barking and howling. I just KNOW I'm gonna get an angry note from the HOA. Good thing I'm moving :-)